Story Seedling - regarding loss of wife and a new beginning

 

Photo by Megapixelstock

June 14, 2024, I stopped thinking about her.  I stood in front of the mirrored window of a travel agency in downtown San Francisco with the urge to travel to Paris, France stuck in me like a colored tack on a wall map, and I realized that I would leave behind everyone and everything I knew--but not just for a two-week escape. The end of years of feeling lost and anchorless in a world without my wife ended then and there. Destiny and I greeted in a clasping embrace and endless possibilities paved a path into the future, a future that I intuited in the moment as hope-filled and infused with joy and promise.  I could be anything and anyone.  A new me was in the birth canal of my awakening consciousness.

My family welcomed my planned adventure as if they’d received news that I would be returning from the dead. Utter shock slowly gave way to unrepressed jubilation. They cheered!  Hugs, slaps on the back, impromptu toasts with cans of Coke knocked together, followed by tears on the cheeks of my mother and older sister.

“I’m so happy for you,” Kaelyn said in my ear as she hugged me tight around the neck and shoulder. “This is a good sign, Darin.  This is a very good sign!”

“Has it been so bad?” I asked.

“It’s been too long since we’ve seen you smile. This is going to be a very good thing for you. I can feel it.”

Mom broke in. “Let me hug my baby!” She hugged me tightly. “You’ll always be my baby. I’ll always worry over you, Darin, but now I know you’re going to be all right.”  

I squinted, pinching back tears.

“Boy,” Dad said, placing his hand on my shoulder.  He didn’t need to say more.  The proud look in his eyes said it all.

“Has it really been that bad?” I asked them all.

“You’ve never been the same since . . . “ Mom said.

I relented.  “I know.” 

 We all turned our focus on preparations for a spontaneous celebration, a bon voyage, with a barbecue, music, and plentiful conversation punctuated by much laughter.  I’d missed that.  Too often being around family hurt.  Everything hurt.  More and more I had spent my time alone, living unencumbered by a new relationship or even a pet, free to live out my days adrift without emotional responsibility to anyone else.  It was true.  I had died.

Wedded Bliss

Photo by Valeria Boltneva 

(Prompt: What foulness am I going to be consuming?)

Freshly baked bread and simmering soup aromatically filled their home. Marzi whipped chocolate mousse, humming. Frank would arrive soon. She wanted perfection.

“Honey!” She gave him a passionate hug that he barely returned. Gone was the love. Today she felt his abject rejection even more.

Frank called for his dog for whom he always showed the deepest affection.

“I made you something special for dinner.”

"What foulness am I going to be consuming?"

Deeply wounded, Marzi said. “I'm leaving you Frank.”

He searched for his dog, ignoring her.

She smiled wickedly at the pot as she left. “Enjoy your soup.”

Sara Bareilles - Brave (Official Video)

2 + 24 Together

 

Photo by Luis Zambrano

We've twenty-six years

together, we weathered the

storms that came our way

(Originally published 2024/10/22 at 3:39 pm)

55

 

Photo by Ray Bilcliff

Looking out through the rain drizzled window in March

I see April approaching with my birthday in tow.

55

Over half a century, fifty years since I was in kindergarten,

thankful that I am past the decades of awkwardness and

not being comfortable in my own skin.

Thankful that I am past the years of searching.

I am capable and competent, comfortable in who and what I am, 

confident with where I am.

55

I am.

I have arrived.

Every moment is lived in peace and to its fullness with acceptance.

55

No dreams have I, but I greet the the future with curiosity

and excitement. Yes, there are goals.

Practicality requires that I meet goals to tend to my needs

for who will care for me in my years to come?

An ageless spirit necessitates seeking experiences

-moments-

with family, friends, the forests of Oregon,

my cats, myself, my imagination.

55

I welcome it with open arms!

I am old and I am young.

I am the middle child of Longevity.

I am alive.  I have conquered

myself.

(Originally published 2024/03/31 at 5:52 pm)

Gratitude

 

Photo by Kampus Production: https://www.pexels.comom

Joy robbed her of melancholy
and robbed her of words.

The novel stalled,
the blog posts stopped.

In this season of gratitude she had abundance.

Without loss,
the page remained blank.

She did not want to pick at the old wounds.

Love extinguished pain.

“I have all that I need and I have no wants.”

“He’s changed, I’ve changed, we’ve changed together.”

There is peace,
there is love,
there is joy.

There is a future together.
“‘Til death do us part.”

And they remained that way.

Not ‘The end.’
The beginning.

Blessings to all this Thanksgiving.

(Originally published 2022/11/13 at 12:23 pm)

Love

 

Silver Falls, Oregon – Photo credit: Lisa Barker

Love like dappled light
intermittently blinds then clarifies
as my heart drives the back roads of my mind.

I don’t remember the pain, but
briefly it surprises me with bursts of sunlight that
quickly vanish into shades of clarity.

I follow the road with confidence, knowing well
the curves that wind deeper into dense, lush forests of noble fir.

A new stretch of certainty emerges and
I coast through the present road conditions
with eyes wide open.

When the road unwinds through quiet, tawny pastures,
the sun sets in my rear view mirror and twilight greets me;
the stars guide my way
reflecting the illumination of my intuition and
the draft of wind through the open window
catches my breath.

(Originally published 2022/08/03 at 1:06 am)